Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
