You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
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other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
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This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
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