He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
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