Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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