There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
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