Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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