It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
