I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
