OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
