u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
