i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
