Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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