First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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