In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
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