I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
