Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Randomize