I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I think I sprained my soul last night
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
