sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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