I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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