Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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