What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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