I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Randomize
