sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
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