Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
