don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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