You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
