I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
