I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Randomize
