There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
