After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
