Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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