he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
how does that bad decision feel?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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