Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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