I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
