somebody snuck up and got me drunk
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
