maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Buhtt sex?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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