3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
