Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
