There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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