The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
