if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
