i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
i think im in europe. pls send help
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
