He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
