Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
