Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
