i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
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