i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
