Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
