I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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