Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Come on in and take your pants off
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