I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
