I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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