I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
