You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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