So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
