I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize