Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
