I want to stick my p in your. b.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
