i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
