the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
