I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
