I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
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Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
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He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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