The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
