when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
