i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
