You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
