Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
