If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
