my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
