i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
there is glitter all over my balls
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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