She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
